not really

i don’t drink whiskey – usually and probably
this is my eight out of nine or so problem as

getting badly drunk just by the smell like on that
day when we had samples in the office, you
k n o w_we  measure  flow and someone had
to – ‘cos the density can vary and that was

what i thought of, this evening in the bar and
you had e y e s their color amber-ish, kinda
fell into them and smelling you did crash me

to the ground, t’ was the gravity they say but
more, ha guess it was where angels dance and
they had many colors as you saw and multi-as-
king questions but not a teeny-weeny an-swear

so probably that’s why, you know i chose to
sorta stay ‘cos —

i still haven’t found
what i’m
looking for.

ha – it’s hot today…and i went by bike to work…so my brain got a bit fried…first time linking up with poetry jam (probably no good first impression…) and also with the free verse crowd who sails under Steven Marty Grant’s flag today..(they know me quite well and probably shake their head..ha)
oh and the poetry jam challenge was to use the line of a song and build it into a poem – you already found out – right…? still haven’t found what i’m looking for – U2 – a song that really moved me lately.. 

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34 responses to “not really

  1. This was fun. I had to read it over a few times to get the pauses and such right. The way I read it at first made no sense. Interesting how you played with the words, spacing and -‘s in this one. I’m to chicken to do that. Hah.

  2. Enjoyed the voice in this. Kinda felt like I’d spent a bit too much time in a bar, that downward-spiral-feeling. Effective how you stretched out some of the words. For me the title and the whole poem felt like an alcoholic looking for that certain feeling that just keeps evading them…and so they need another drink just to try to capture it again.

  3. woohoo claudia in the his-ouse! i echo victoria…iwas stumbling a bit at your speed bumps in the poem, but in a good way, catching the ambience…love the use of all senses in experiencing the other person as well…the smell, the look, the…hot claudia.

    em you bk in a bit on ur 1 sw, been on crisis calls all morning for work…

  4. Jazzy lady, lovely lady your rhythms always sound so right to me. I never heard that metronome clock because my beat has always been so just off kilter and I moved with you through whiskey colored eyes and drowned in this stanza:
    “to the ground, it was the gravity they say but
    more, i guess it was where angels dance and
    they had many colors as you saw and multi-as-
    king questions but not one teeny-weeny answer”
    As the angels should always dance for you, the jazz queen, so adorable, so wordperfect.
    Love your stuff,
    Gay

  5. It was my first time too to join Poetry Jam.
    Like the way you wrote the words… i was slurring it like i was tipsy too.

    Nice to meet you Claudia ~

  6. Re: your comment on my blog…I have a really, really hard time believing you’ve only been writing a year or so. I hope I live long enough to see you will the Nobel Prize for Lit or Poetry. But, at the rate you’re going, that shouldn’t be long. You are so talented!

  7. what a fun read.. it had that lazy, beat-poet feel to it..
    and you wove a great line in the closer (courtesy of my fav band U12)

    this was fun Claudia.. you really can sling them words in free verse when you want to.. don’t kid yourself!!!

  8. yes, very different for you, Claudia, but i LOVE it! great rhythm that’s perfect for Brian’s musical prompt.

  9. That is such an epic U2 song, who, by the way stopped by the Michigan State football stadium for a concert last night.

  10. It almost got to stream of consciousness – none the worse for that, I was a tad disappointed that it ended so soon, but those last two lines really punched the message home. A fine poem.

  11. Pauses were amazing….the hyphens gave a feel of introspect…words were random from the day and that made it even better..reality at its best in rhymes and rants…:)) Beautiful..

  12. Oh hell Claudia! You’ve been reading from my journals of twenty plus years ago? That rings far too much of the mournings after (and you know that’s not a misspell). Rather than acknowledge the mistake, just take another hit of the dog that bit ya and hope it’s better when you next surface.

    Nicely done.

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