you can see it in how they lean into each other when they talk

the night
is thick with fire flies
it’s been ages
since they traveled— bone
to bone
to–

i put lipgloss,
red as rush hour traffic
on my eyelids,
white shirt

“what important things can someone learn on youtube?”
“how to–“
“how to everything” she says
–escape from a closed car trunk,
change your tyres or
cook tofu like a boss

i watch them through a magnifying glass,
an arm’s length
or two lightyears south
of the equator,

sweden actually

they hardly move

or drift apart

or–

“speed up” says the nightmare
“work your — off”
honestly
most of the missiles have been buried

“&the continents–?”

are swallowed

like a piece of cake
left carelessly

on some weird politician’s table

.

sorry – that’s just how my brain works… smiles
a mix of relationship topics, work, my fav swedish youtube channel & yeah – politics… smiles

what i began to understand when my daughter wrapped her arms around me, weeping bitterly

“we’ll all die from SOMEthing” my colleague says, voice light
biscuit pack in hand
“you should take one”

the ingredients are written in czech language, he translates
…butter, milk, eggs

“i’m so sorry but–”

“it won’t harm you”

“that is not the reason”

it is in her eyes
the color of soft soil after a storm, raindrops spilling from her skin,
her third child —-taken
to the slaughterer (like the two others)
&her milk, thick with hormons, antibiotics
pumP_pUmp_PuMped through disinfected pipes,
pacKed up,
labeled with a highGloss_meadowTreeFlow’rHappy cow
the moment as her kid dies

&their blood spills from my fingertips,
covers my lips, chest
as i pour it in my müsli

“it won’t harm me” i say, “it will kill
everything i—“

like the chicks/ bad luck – born male /they’re useLess
for the egg production,
wrong sort to roast crispy on a skewer in warm summer nights as well,
too bad—-produced

to die,
waSte

“that’s why—“

my colleague nods,
turns around&

pLopp PlopP ploPp
tiny, yellow balls on a conveyor,
soft like dandelion fluff
eyes wide with what life may has to offer

Fall into a shredder
loudless

i walk back to my computer, work–

&in my ears
wiping out the printer’s hum

cLuck, CluCK_clucK

—the sound of griNding

.

…in march 2016 I went vegan after my daughter had showed me some documentaries about the meat/dairy & egg industry. i had no idea how the animals were treated in mass production& I just couldn’t bear the thought of causing and adding to their suffering by consuming those products – so – I went vegan overnight – and have never looked back. If you have questions, ask them in the comments – I’m happy to answer &will link (in the comments) to some of the documentaries I watched as well – just in case you’re curious – smiles

 

take your time to spade & ease the soil //don’t plant too quickly

the plane speeds eastward,
dotting fleeting shades upon the alps

“it’s not on the radar” my colleague says

“how’s the app called?”

we hold smartphones high towards the sky,
—tracking

but the military plane
moves undercover, snow-capped peaks
against grey sky
a sunny pool, the form of peaches
where few cows graze
peacefully

the world is changing
with each twirl

men with ties &bleeding fingertips forge big stacks of statistics&–

“they use the cable car” the waiter says
“to move the cows up and down the mountain”

“do they like it?”

“they get used to it
after a while”

i drive the spade deep in the earth, blisters blooming on my palms,
preparing soil for growth
is dang hard work i think,

the cows have disappeared, the plane moves
in a field of varying coordinates

in front of me
a row of herbs, waiting

to be planted

this morning in the garden//i had no chance to introduce myself, nor ask her name

she’s quicK, gone
by the time my lens aiMs, zerOes in& cliCK s
into position

from a place unplugged

i am

hardly connected to the things my world rotates arOund aRound arouNd–

on the clothes horse

on the other side of time
fresh washing
basKs, fragrant, limbs spread in the morning sun

loaded thick with pollen,
small wings, parchment thin move in a breakneck speed,
she hums bee’s chants,
drinking sweet drops from lavender’s purPle lips

that lets her

willingly

in dubio pro reo //

this is not a protest poem against doubts/the moon’s new nightgown, sickness, rage,
not a poem against Anything in fact

except stuff that drills little holes into our bones/undiscovered first/
until they cracK/aMessofShards&all we are
ScReeeEAMs, bREAKs,sPReads arms, face down on the floor, hoPeVersusHope//doNt daRe2BreaTHe
—————— until the keeper of the clock bows low

in my hand
a white cane, shepherd’s staff, a snake, spade, satellite, a set of missiles, spear, binoculars, a pen–

we write letters
like we did before “Digital”
flow of iNk, a stamp

the waiting

&all afternoon-after-school magazines tumble wildly through her room
glossy mOuth&chest, price tags in three currencies
we couNt &split them
equally, cross checkmarks in a list,
pile paperstacks onto our bikes,

&share the money

friendship. is the sum of thousand tiny things
i say.

to no one. in specific

to the moon and back//with just one tank of gasoline

they burn incense in the studio
&i am a virgin when it comes to piercings,
right ear: 1
left ear: 2
zero in my lips or brow or–

“cutting your frenulum of tongue” a tall man says “will open up
a new dimension in your life”

maybe the woman’s not quite sure
&maybe i’m missing something, but—

“i’ve never been to a place like that” i say to my daughter
“life’s so fragile anyway
and piercing holes or cutting bands designed to hold
things together, hmmm. i dunno”

we’re in the kitchen
side by side, slicing gourgettes,
i squish limes into a bed of avocado
winter knocking at the door with a thick bobble cap
caughing like an old man
while the pear tree starts to bud

“we used to sledge on the hill close to the autobahn” i say
“when i was a kid”

&sometimes i just want a moment of it back,
damp hands and frozen toes,
no internet, not facebook “likes”
just a bunch of kids that hardly knew which school the other went to

now my mom is fading,
like two inches a day
&one day she’ll be gone,

leaving just the scent of snow

and fresh baked cake

“i want no holes in this”

“the piercing guy was getting on my nerves” my daughter says
“i waited outside”

&i nod
as if i understood

the whole weight of the world’s weird journey

.

i wrote this about a year ago but never posted –and i think i just need it on my blog as a diary entry… smiles

according to psalm 139,1-18 or //how Indy got it wrong stating that X–

they were stored (sparkling vermillion)
in the back of the garage already,
i didn’t see them though last year
when we moved my mama to her new flat
after christmas
&we didn’t pack them— still—

in spring she puts up flowers on her balcony,
sleeps middays in the velvet of their breath,
weak/ wrinkled smiles all over&
i could’ve touched

the fading
in her eyes— but crossed it out with thicK blaCk marker, bargain/beG,
wrapped in a camel merchant’s cape//in scorching desert sun:OneYear
—- &He accepts

the bus that races up mount Tibidabo’s crowded, i stand
squishedTigHt between locals, Barcelona tourists,
sweating families, a small korean boy, pale, voMit
spilling from his mouth, his brother staring stressedOut

down the aisle— it is good friday
church pacKed, i touch Jesus’ feet/Chest,liPs
inTimate worShip, sipping red wine from a tiny plastic mug
ruNning his hand along the cracKs—He answers
me in spanish//    outside

on the hilltop, night wears a pink baseball cap
dark glasses, fleece hood//headache
thousand lights/my outline in the pane a shade/
against the moment, face bright_hot,
&in my hands a map where X marks just this spot,
revealing traCes— of his glory