she’s quicK, gone
by the time my lens aiMs, zerOes in& cliCK s
into position
from a place unplugged
i am
hardly connected to the things my world rotates arOund aRound arouNd–
on the clothes horse
on the other side of time
fresh washing
basKs, fragrant, limbs spread in the morning sun
loaded thick with pollen,
small wings, parchment thin move in a breakneck speed,
she hums bee’s chants,
drinking sweet drops from lavender’s purPle lips
that lets her
willingly
this is not a protest poem against doubts/the moon’s new nightgown, sickness, rage,
not a poem against Anything in fact
except stuff that drills little holes into our bones/undiscovered first/
until they cracK/aMessofShards&all we are
ScReeeEAMs, bREAKs,sPReads arms, face down on the floor, hoPeVersusHope//doNt daRe2BreaTHe
—————— —until the keeper of the clock bows low
in my hand
a white cane, shepherd’s staff, a snake, spade, satellite, a set of missiles, spear, binoculars, a pen–
we write letters
like we did before “Digital”
flow of iNk, a stamp
the waiting
&all afternoon-after-school magazines tumble wildly through her room
glossy mOuth&chest, price tags in three currencies
we couNt &split them
equally, cross checkmarks in a list,
pile paperstacks onto our bikes,
&share the money
friendship. is the sum of thousand tiny things
i say.
to no one. in specific
they burn incense in the studio
&i am a virgin when it comes to piercings,
right ear: 1
left ear: 2
zero in my lips or brow or–
“cutting your frenulum of tongue” a tall man says “will open up
a new dimension in your life”
maybe the woman’s not quite sure
&maybe i’m missing something, but—
“i’ve never been to a place like that” i say to my daughter
“life’s so fragile anyway
and piercing holes or cutting bands designed to hold
things together, hmmm. i dunno”
we’re in the kitchen
side by side, slicing gourgettes,
i squish limes into a bed of avocado
winter knocking at the door with a thick bobble cap
caughing like an old man
while the pear tree starts to bud
“we used to sledge on the hill close to the autobahn” i say
“when i was a kid”
&sometimes i just want a moment of it back,
damp hands and frozen toes,
no internet, not facebook “likes”
just a bunch of kids that hardly knew which school the other went to
now my mom is fading,
like two inches a day
&one day she’ll be gone,
leaving just the scent of snow
and fresh baked cake
“i want no holes in this”
“the piercing guy was getting on my nerves” my daughter says
“i waited outside”
&i nod
as if i understood
the whole weight of the world’s weird journey
.
i wrote this about a year ago but never posted –and i think i just need it on my blog as a diary entry… smiles
they were stored (sparkling vermillion)
in the back of the garage already,
i didn’t see them though last year
when we moved my mama to her new flat
after christmas
&we didn’t pack them— still—
in spring she puts up flowers on her balcony,
sleeps middays in the velvet of their breath,
weak/ wrinkled smiles all over&
i could’ve touched
the fading
in her eyes— but crossed it out with thicK blaCk marker, bargain/beG,
wrapped in a camel merchant’s cape//in scorching desert sun:OneYear
—- &He accepts
the bus that races up mount Tibidabo’s crowded, i stand
squishedTigHt between locals, Barcelona tourists,
sweating families, a small korean boy, pale, voMit
spilling from his mouth, his brother staring stressedOut
down the aisle— it is good friday
church pacKed, i touch Jesus’ feet/Chest,liPs
inTimate worShip, sipping red wine from a tiny plastic mug
ruNning his hand along the cracKs—He answers
me in spanish// outside
on the hilltop, night wears a pink baseball cap
dark glasses, fleece hood//headache
thousand lights/my outline in the pane a shade/
against the moment, face bright_hot,
&in my hands a map where X marks just this spot,
revealing traCes— of his glory
“not all words are dead” she says
in a small voice
legs stretched
converse
tights
the castle in a shiny yellow dress with
golden balconies
for lips
we wait hours
while the sun massages our cheeks with spring
“the way someone can go without a single syllable is—”
things have changed
“you lost quite a bit of weight”
“i lost—”
but then
my limbs are packed with pollen from the day’s first tulips
students on the castle lawn
worship the sun
with wide-spread arms
my skin peels,
–cracking through a layer of make-up
“not all words are dead” she says
&then drops silent
for a felt eternity
smiles
.
time’s a maze
i lean
against its pulse/ing body, ant-like
like the razor’s buzZ as i shaved my head
the other day
we sit on the hosital rooftop
pale/ing fall-sun to the face
the city at our feet
a tower, distant
watchmen with giant wings
my son reads Nesbø
&his skin’s warmth seeps into my pores
as i hold him tightly, pray
“you’re wonderfully made”
and a mighty army’s battle cries eRUPT//lavaHot,
splitting life’s molecules,
for one long moment
time spa—ns
and His arm moves
there’s another level in this maze
a million light years from our wildest dreams//&fears
that none of us
has fully understood yet, rain piles
rears uP like a cobra//hiZzing
alMost palpable,
the tower on the hill
(that broadcasts swiss tv since 1980)
on the flip side of our galaxy/of what we see
(&where we stood two weeks ago)
flashes a red light
.
my son was at the hospital last week with a pancreas inflammation – they didn’t really find out where it came from – he’s back home now and doing much better – prayers appreciated..
“bangkok drowns herself” she says
&there’s two ways
to paint her —out of millions
bit
by bit
like my steelbrush
whose feathers split
until there’s just one layer left
that cannot hold
things
“take some pics” she says
“of houses where you can
detect it”
there’s no period nor upper case
some vacant symbols
daNgling
in the wind
and missing space where you would
breathe
at least
.
ha- my little one is in bangkok at the moment – and my future teacher daughter says that bangkok is drowning itself cause they pump up too much ground water – says her geo prof
