beyond the frayed parts//what it took //to make me cross back into wholeness

i carefully undress
into the heat, the holiness–
of first times/musk_taste on my lips
across the open prairie, wind,
a lion’s head bent back
in silent worship to the breeze,
mane glistening
with humidity,

&i —expand lightning in his arms

last night after our conversation-homework
halting/shivering lips
i read one of my poems to him/
fragile/first time/first steps
“it is good to get2know you in a new way” he says
i translate,

lay my heart/opened
next to a pile of books, remote control,
a cup of tea// for him to touch//me
“if i’m not commenting on your blog, is that ok?”
“that’s good”
i lean against his chest

„can you stay?“
i test the planks, step back
„not yet“
pull my car into the traffic
in the rearview, taillights– red/
reverberating on his face

back in the bed at my friend’s flat, there’s a poem
by my husband, ink-wet
in my inbox
titled “thoughts”
not more
&more i ever hoped for

to decrease life’s brittleness
& close the last big gap
before me

.

Marina today at dVerse has us write about the things that make our world shatter and what it needs or what we do to make it whole again..
I moved back to my husband last weekend – it was a good process over the last weeks – we’re doing a marriage communication training and things have changed quite a bit.. so there’s still work to do but we have some good tools in hand now to tackle those challenges…

55 responses to “beyond the frayed parts//what it took //to make me cross back into wholeness

  1. Strange how I can see your eyes as I read this…hoping that laughter returns to each moment of your day…love is not a compromise…it is! Be well my friend.

  2. I haven’t had chance to read and comment on your poetry in a while, but it’s a pleasure to be back and I’m glad to hear of the positive process you’re going through…may it continue…

  3. nice…great opening stanza, love the imagery and it really hooks….smiling at the process…the relearning…the willingness to touch each others worlds a bit…figuring it out…those are the things we oft do at the beginning of a relationship that we let go too easy in our complacency…

    still figuring mine out….grrr…ha…

  4. Very open, honest, fearless – as usual, Claudia, you humble me with your preciseness and magical capture of the quivering nature of the everyday fear and mystery!

  5. The hard work of re-relating. To find new ways to connect closer to where the ventricles flap and the blood flows. There is always more mystery to be experienced. Peace C.

  6. Oh, this brought tears to my eyes… a hard place to be in, crossing those bridges that get built between you can be so difficult… I’m glad you are both finding words that can help.

  7. You are so brave, C … I couldn’t read my stuff to anybody, let alone him … I can hardly stand reading my own blog most times … Love, cat.

  8. Marriage can be the biggest challenge. I wish you well on continuing to move forward.

    My hubby doesn’t comment on my blog much either, or hardly ever.

    Peace and love to you!

    xooxox

  9. This brought tears this morning – so open hearted and vulnerable – best wishes to you and your husband – have been there – continue to be there – will always be there – an on going journey of release and renewal. K

  10. This post really touches my heart – the offering of your poem, and his poem in response – yes, more than you ever hoped for. There is enough love there to breach the gaps. More than enough. I am so happy you moved back and are both moving forward. Because I love to see things in their right place. Smiles. Your post makes me happy this morning. Good to be home, I’ll bet. Thanks for sharing your journey as you wrote your way through.

  11. Perhaps we are all poets, just some more verbose, some more taciturn, for Love demands of each of us a poetic sensibility, sensitivity, source–as others have noted, your vulnerability, honesty, naked soul essence is overwhelming, & it touches each of us dramatically. Such good news that your relationship, your marriage shows signs of rehabilitation; change is not always painless, but it is pertinent.

  12. Oh Claudia. What wonderful news. Second chances are always great. I wish you and your husband all the best. Somehow, the process is akin to courting gain for the first time.

  13. Everything changes at that stage – when the nest empties, when women revert to their twelve year old selves, the sureness of what we always wanted clear; and the men revert to about ten– filled with fear of death, failure, insecurities, not having met life’s goals, not having lived enough, jealous without reason. It’s good to work through..we were on the verge of working through when cancer crushed my husband and left me with a lot of unanswered questions but with clear goals of my own. I don’t recommend it as an answer — life is precious and time rushing. I know you love each other, it’s time to hold hands again and explore.

  14. Such good news to read that things are going so well for you both. This poem is heartfelt and honest, and whilst to know that he is reading your blog could stifle you, it feels as if this is not the case. I am honest in my poetry – one day it would be good to have that special someone read it, whoever they might be. With all good thoughts and smiles for you.

  15. I read your poem, liked it and want you to know- I’m rooting for you! I went to a couple’s communication weekend with my Honey years ago and learned skills I still use to keep the channels open. You’re very brave.

  16. I am happy that you are meeting each other half way…or all the way. I am happy that the process of communicating and working through a rough patch is coming together. I love the intimacy in this and I love that he wrote a poem.xo

  17. Claudia, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you–tough times, yet it sounds like you are working through and seeing light at the end. A lovely yet, wrenching poem (and that is the way of things)–I could feel it in my heart.

  18. You know my hubby never reads my poems and I can’t get him to even write one as its a territory he doesn’t understand ~ So I admire your hubby for taking this step, smiles ~ Its nice to get to know each other again & I can imagine how wonderful first times//first steps can be again ~ All the best to you & your family ~

  19. Glad to hear that things are in progression w/ you and your husband! I really dug the lion head imagery; the mane glistening
    with humidity… whoa, imagine that. And coming towards the last bit, with the tail lights reverberating on his face – powerful.

  20. Glad to hear things seem to be getting better for you and that you have tools to use for better communication. Good luck.

  21. I am so pleased for you and your husband;..what you are doing is not easy. I want to reiterate what Soulsong of Sharonlee just wrote…this write is amaziingly intimate and takes us so close to you that we are actually in bed with the both of you ;-)…there is a lot of love there.

  22. Decreasing life’s brittleness, bitterness, takes all these little steps, the give and take and wait steps you show in this negotiation poem. So lovely to truly melt into communication.

  23. So happy for you Claudia…tiny things which speaks volume of emotions…god bless..and good luck..life is too special to allow it to break..:)

  24. I thought my hubby is like that and i just left, making myself strong saying whats wrong if he doesnt comment I have a whole world to comment on my blog and its not his cup of tea…….. He is an introvert doesnt give the world his world so I am not like that I am a person share and care…………. So dont think u are alone……. In marriage its just to odd people together…… What ever match is said and done……

    Just be happy we are all together to share and care and life is so good even though our near and dear dont understand……

  25. A good marriage is always being built. Glad you two are not letting it become an abandoned building. Blessings to you both and, hopefully, a happy ending to the story. Your poem is inspiring.

  26. beautifully said, it reminds me that love is a verb, and like putting on a smile when we feel down can raise our spirits – the act of loving can change us too.

  27. I’m still a teenager myself but reading this poem maies me understand a bit better the intricate relationship between husband and wife. You shed light on things I could not easily see and I love how intimate and deep this piece is. Your poems always leave me so touched.

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