in the evenings, i’m gambling with a group of forest gnomes//& heck// they play with mean tricks

photo 2-26

.

the world spins in a car wheel on a wet road
shhhlllrppp tshhhhlppr
i re-boot my laptop wondering
about walls, shifting points& optical
illusions

this one’s deep&juicy,red like strawberries
that sit on a table in the kitchen
and in spreading half dark
dizzy you with the exuding scent of summer
from their pores/ sipped
thirsty-lipped from bell flower jars
with the last few drops of spring trick-

–ling
down your cheeks

“i’m sorry” i say to my husband, standing in the living room
“i need my mattress, i can’t sleep &”
“take it, it’s ok”

he leaves
and comes back as i try to make the gap
at least look nice, bent over a pile of bedcloth, wrapping–

“i just tried– it looks so terrible– i– ”
& don’t want to// but start crying

my daughter’s baking fresh bread in the kitchen

& he pulls me up and holds me

“it is tough for me as well” i say

“i talked to the counselor–”

“so you wanna do the marriage course?”

he nods “i’ll call you next week”

& i get back in the car,
mattress squished /a wounded knight
robbed of all their armor/

between my elbow, right cheek,
pair of scissors,
and a pile of summer clothes

.

sometimes it needs distance to be able to work on things and start again..
shared with Poets United

37 responses to “in the evenings, i’m gambling with a group of forest gnomes//& heck// they play with mean tricks

  1. it is hard there in the inbetween, not knowing if forward or back is better, what is real and what is illusion…a wounded knight robbed of the armor…a poignant line…

  2. Even when decisions are well thought out they are difficult for everyone. Often it seems that life’s journey takes one unexpected places. I am sure you will end up in the right place for you. Hoping that distance helps in your thought process. All the best…and do take care.

  3. You have developed a style that is light and beautiful – even in sadness.
    One of the great sorrows of life remains that we only control our own actions – but I believe in healing and miracles

  4. I can feel this so much Claudia it made me teary. A wounded knight without their armour…that’s how it feels when all defenses are down. I hope distance gives you room to breathe that’s important. Take care of you and I wish you all the best and hope things work out.

  5. Ah, Claudia, every next moment – dif. point of view…and maybe tomorrow everything will come back to balance…xx ~ ‘the world spins in a car wheel on a wet road’ ~ love the sketch.

  6. Thank you for sharing this Claudia. It’s hard to share pain. But you write it so that it pulls at your heart, while all along thinking, “Wow. No one could have said this better.” Of course, my heart is with you and yours. Hugs.

  7. It’s only a matter of time. You will slide through it, you’ll see. It took me some months in splendid isolation, and he’d leave flowers on my temporary doorstep, not wanting to disturb my healing.

  8. I could feel the pain in each line as you write with a style that takes the reader right there with you. The journey in life is full of twists and turns I hope you find the path best suited for you. Sending positive energy and healing..

  9. Life is so very hard sometimes, Claudia. And yes, distance is often healing and gives perspective. I really ached for you when I read this. Love is such a mixed-up emotion and because it’s so powerful, it’s easy to slip in an opposite directions. Sending you love, prayers and wishes for healing, dear friend.

  10. Claudia, this poem leaves me without words, but with a heart that so understands how hard this endless learning and trying is. Hold your heart in gentle hands. I love the tone of hope in this poem. Where two hearts are willing, everything is possible.

  11. Wow! Laceratingly honest writing, Claudia and perfectly pitched too, as in:

    “& i get back in the car,
    mattress squished /a wounded knight
    robbed of all their armor/

    between my elbow, right cheek,
    pair of scissors,
    and a pile of summer clothes”

    Whatever your struggle and pain, you are a shining talent for sure… With Love Scott

  12. Sometimes distance does help and I hope it does for you. There is a lot of sadness in this poem. thanks for sharing it

  13. never know when a writer is living something themselves or through others… which ever it is… you did it well… others struggling with the same thing… you’ve only spoken what we’re thinking… may God heal

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