taking a line(or2)for a walk

a practice piece i did in an online art training.. taking a line for a walk..

a practice piece i did in an online art training.. taking a line for a walk..

.
PaynesGrey// i take them out for walks
held loosely by the light
tip of penCil, juMpStarT//BooM!!crawl
snickering, bow&curl//Kite-

flighT//then crash//teeter-totter, mock
their neighbor figure’s kleid
(which is a (dotted) dress)// yes// rock-
ing gently in the breeze

snEEze once or twice, a crazy flock
of creatures with wiDe eyes
rise from a dewY lawn, reLease
(a swarm of yelLowdappled stars)
into a (dreaMy)//dan(s)ing night

.

today at dVerse, we’ll be looking at the tetrameter-trimeter ballad form and the rhyme schemes that go with it…ABAB, ABAC, ABCB.. give it a try… i stayed almost true to the form…smiles..  tony will open the pub doors at 3pm EST..

Advertisements

37 responses to “taking a line(or2)for a walk

  1. smiles. i like the energy in this claudia…and there can be so much of that in art and giving oneself over to the art…i like you word play as well…the dansing in the end is a highlight…have a great day…going dark now and will see you saturday…

  2. There’s so much I like about this poem Claudia: the subject is playful and your treatment of it is too; you’ve caught the lilting rhythm of the ballad perfectly, with the right number of accented syllables in each line; and that extra line is super – so many songs have an extra line in the last verse, so why not have one in the last stanza of a ballad?

  3. ‘kleid’ without a capital – 🙂
    such a puzzle, as it doesn’t end in -t- in English and would rhyme with ‘ride’ rather than ‘right’. Fascinating to stray from one phonetic territory into another. We should do that more often.

  4. I so enjoy your jolly images. Haven’t used the word ‘jolly’ for ages. But it fits here. Jolly good! Sorry, I took the line in my head for a walk.

  5. Your title reminded me of the first art lessons that my children have – taking a line for a walk. However, your lines look amazing and full and happy.

  6. Such fun! I feel the release and the estrangement of reading–hard for me to read around the caps–and so my dance is hesitant until the enlightened ending. (In the National Writing Project, we have an exercise called “Taking a Line for a Walk” in which participants chose a single line from an assigned reading and respond to it in writing: continuing the line with their own words–a great lead-in to discussion.).

  7. I do love the light-hearted playfulness in this poem, Claudia, and the way you write to your art. And your wordplay is always such a lot of fun to interpret. I remember that Payne’s Gray from the few years I was into painting. A cool write.

  8. The Tony challenge was tough for me, and attempted the form with the syllable count and rhyme scheme, but stressed & unstressed syllables threw me; loved your poem, and really loved your drawing/painting. How cool to use your own art as muse/prompt for a form challenge; thanks.

  9. Nice dreamy dancing night and all characters have their lines ~ also like the ballad form, sure I will try if time allows ~ picture filled with great playfulness and energy 🙂

  10. the poem and the drawing are the perfect pair, claudia. and i love the liberties you take with the spelling — “dancing” becomes “dance” and “sing” all at once, a hybrid. awesome!

  11. Hey Claudia — this is a really fun poem and I love your painting. There is a rocking aspect to this that is lovely and Kandinsky or Klee-like — that was true of the painting too. I am going to make one suggestion, if you don’t mind–this was a case in which I found the extra whimsy of the Caps and parenthetical letters a little confusing — the poem is a bit abstract and fantastical (in a great way), and takes some following, so that I found the Caps and parentheticals almost obstacles rather than reinforcements. I don’t know–just a thought–I really like the poem, but thought I’d like even better if there were a little less of that–it does make it like a collage – there’s a really aesthetic effect to the way you do them so that it’s like a letter collage–but I get caught up in the visual aspects and hard a harder time following the verbal sense of the poem and the really fun pathway you make. Again, just a thought if you are reviewing. I really enjoyed the poem, so it definitely works as is. Thanks. k.