the girl, the editor// &a dragon whose not fitting in, but–

ok - i had a bit fun with this one...smiles

ok – i had a bit fun with this one…smiles

.

“there’s a dragon in her hair”, he says
(accusation in his voice)
“you cannot leave this”

“i dreamed i got a letter” she yawns softly,
“by a lawyer–  writing to me
(about Klimt’s kiss)
makes less sense, right?

and a girl, living in a waterfall”
“BY? a waterfall you mean?”
“no, in it, she was part of it
in more way than one, actually–

if it ever stops, she cannot sleep, she told me
cause she has no rhythm of her own–“
(&no one would help her find it)

“would you mind, putting vowels
on your tongue for me– so i can feel ‘em?”
it’s like kissing someone on a fast train,
lights exploding on the platform, westWind
in your hair,

&rail rhythm/iNside/colliding
into something freeFalluneXpected– (or
horrendously familiar)

“i’ll write the dragon back in //cos she needs him–” i say,
then crawl back into bed,

a quartermillion lava crumbs
———————-sticKy on my liPs

.

ha yes..i really dreamt this…smiles…Victoria has some wonderful editing suggestions over at dVerse today– doors open at 3pm EST..

and below my first draft for the above poem when i wrote it this morning.. 

there’s a dragon on her hair you say. you cannot leave this
i have dreamed i got a letter she says by a lawyer & he was writing to me about klimt’s kiss
which makes not much sense, right? and about a girl, living in a waterfall
by a waterfall?no, in it. she said if it ever stops, i cannot sleep
because i have no rhythm of my ownbut i dunno why she told me, & the dragon kissed her, tenderly, hot lips&lava on his tongue

most of my poems by the way look like this in the first rough draft, typed into my phone just as they pop into my mind until i start working on them..

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38 responses to “the girl, the editor// &a dragon whose not fitting in, but–

  1. This was so maddeningly good. Haha! There was a story, and another story, and visions, and wondering-what-this-could-mean, and wit and a command of language that reminded me that poetry should dance with grammatical rules more often, because it’s fun and it drives us crazy in a good way.

    Keep dreaming and keep writing. 🙂

  2. smiles…we should all have dragons in our hair to help guide us…love the vowels on the tongue to feel them stanza….kissing in the fast rain…really cool change of pace as well in the rhythm inside colliding stanza….careful not to burn those lips…smiles.

  3. Love the letter from lawyer about Klimt, and the fact that the girl needs to the waterfall for rhythm, since she has none of her own. Really like the painting too! Brava, Claudia!

  4. Ha. I knew your dreams had to be fun. And then you keep on extracting fun from them by writing and painting. That’s wonderful. I must try writing by just letting stream of conscience take its course, then edit. It works so well for you. I really enjoyed this poem. I’m looking to see if I have a dragon in my hair now.

  5. What a fantastic dream! ““would you mind, putting vowels
    on your tongue for me– so i can feel ‘em?”” I could feel them popping and zipping all around my tongue. Many *smiles* here this was a grand reading ride.

  6. DRAGON LOCKS could be another, more (edited) title for his lovely piece. It is, per usual, fabulous and def tinged with passion, introspection, beauty, mystery, & spiritual inquiry. I used to keep a notebook beside my bed so that I could write down the snippets of my dreams I could recall, but reviewing them they seemed to be the diary of a mad man, so I stopped the practice.

  7. I love the taste of words and the places dreams take me. Very much enjoyed where you took this poem. It reminds me, too, that sometimes an edit means not only cutting, but rephrasing, perhaps expanding, letting it take you where it wants to go.

  8. Interesting to see how you tweak things slightly and give them a different feel. Playing with the elements of syntax is such a luxury and you do it so competently. Never fails to amaze me.

  9. Well clearly the final work is better as the first is what I would call (note to myself). I would think it would be really easy for you to overwork your poetry. Its nature is spontaneous, surprising, juxtaposing image on idea, texture on theory, nature on philosophy; and whimsy,joy, and playfulness including word play on everything. It would be as pointless as rearranging stardust.

  10. I usually have a line or part of a line circling in my head that I put on a phone sticky note. Understand the original write. Love your last line…it would be as pointless as rearranging stardust. Yes, I feel that way about this beat kind of “let it all out” poetry. Love the dragon and the waterfall story.

  11. Many years, many days, I drank “hair-of-the-Dragon” each morning, to come awake–suddenly!

    Once I dreamt I lived in a waterfall. Woke up to barely realize that group of guys laid me there 20 minutes earlier. Nearly drowned.

    What does all these have to do with your poem? Nothing really, except we each have a sort of thread runing through our dreams. YOU regularly sneak a train ride (with a kiss?) into your dreams. Mine most often cotain reference to my “Days of Wine and Roses!

    Love your work, Claudia–but you already know that!

  12. gorgeous, whimsical… & i’m glad you wrote the dragon back in 🙂

    love love love this:
    “would you mind, putting vowels
    on your tongue for me– so i can feel ‘em?”

  13. the 2nd is much clearer to me. I would like to be part of a waterfall….I think, even if I had to take on it’s rhythm and give up my own. But only for a little while and then I would be me again.

  14. Wow….i have to say, this poem was even more intriguing to me than your other ones! To say the truth, the dragon here leaves me pondering and curious.

    I especially loved this stanza:

    “would you mind, putting vowels
    on your tongue for me– so i can feel ‘em?”
    it’s like kissing someone on a fast train,
    lights exploding on the platform, westWind
    in your hair,

  15. Like the girl, living in waterfall…reminds me creative game we played with kids(good for writing mho)…and I like your decision “i’ll write the dragon back’ she needs it for sure – another creative creature – together 2 …keep dreaming, Claudia, very inspiring!

  16. Love hearing how people write poems. My son just wrote a poem “Publication” which I adore and I THINK he is going to start his blog up again and try to join dVerse once a week – (he is a junior in college – studying drama). He writes down lines that pop into his head and he had a whole sheet of his thoughts and feelings … well, this is one of the poems he created this way. I often have to wait for a prompt and then I research it. Sometimes I look at a photograph and write all the words down I am thinking. Then look in a dictionary and make myself find like words… and go from there. I’m reading a book by Mary Oliver – a Prose book on how to write and read poetry… how DID this get so long? sorry…

    Your poem is very whimsically silly – just like a dream.. and my husband is always needed help figuring out poetry… 🙂

  17. so much to adore. the title gives it a mood of choppiness, and you splice together magical images, the dragon, the waterfall, the kiss on the train and quartermillion sticky crumbs where they are… so outrageously groovy