cherry worms (actually) taste of nothing, &you neither feel ‘em craWling on your tongue//Fear’s a different thing though

cherries - watercolor by me..

cherries – watercolor by me..

.

3:50 in the morn, pale
& sleepy, she walks out the door,
comes back in, key forgotten,

“what about your cycle helmet?”
“need to adjust it first, no time now mom–”
i close the door behind her,

crawl back into bed,

toSs& turN, silent film spinsinmyhead,
black //white fuZzy image/s

kliCk klicK tshrRrkkkH

wind-fast on her bike, 13 miles, to go,
shades on deep-sleep concrete,
street lamps sprinkle spacy light

tssssrrhhhH– kliCk

birds turn, fluffy-feathered in their nests,
young ones tucked in under warm wings,
not the time to sing, yet,

kliCk — flashBack

she’s walking to the kindergarten,
first time by herself,
little red bag, bumbling,
dotted dress,

i, (wave)
watch her getting smaller, smaller,
& this treeTall angel– next to her,
looks in my eyes, dark with fear,

————let go–

beepBeepBeeeep, i hit the phone,
snooze the alarm, once– twice–
roll into my husband’s warmth,
last night’s taste of him, still on my tongue,

“prissi’s gone already?”

“yeah” i stretch, “hey,
thanks for the fresh-plucked cherries yesterday,
i ate ‘em, worms & all”

“ha– let me see” he checks my ears,
“did they find their way out yet?”

i lean against his sleep-warm chest,

“you think angels ride on bikes as well?”
“they fly”, he yawns,
“oh right” i say,

————–“that’s perfect”

at dVerse, it’s all about atmosphere&mood today… anna has us explore how we use diction, style, theme, tone, sound, enjambment, punctuation etc. to create mood in a poem… join us when she opens the doors at 3pm EST… anna wants us as well to mention the tools we used to create mood… i wanted to create a mood that balances between fear, comfort and wake and dream…the tools i used were present tense, sound, direct speech, taste, play with CAPS, bound words together, rhythm..breaks..

Advertisements

53 responses to “cherry worms (actually) taste of nothing, &you neither feel ‘em craWling on your tongue//Fear’s a different thing though

  1. Identify with motorcycle “talk” (no time to buckle straps).. and VROOOOM!It was 10:50 PM (Florida and Virginia) when you posted, 5 hour difference…couldn’t sleep? VROOOOM! Love the way you switched to the bike rider, then back to same (child) leaving the nest. AND EVEN the BIRDS say, “Too early to rise–it’s still darken out”!

    And always there is that solid warm flesh near, of, so near…ZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

    What a ride! Thanks, Claudia. In morning you’ll see that I learned my lesson well, in being first, reading second!!!
    Hugs!

  2. i think what i like in this the most is that juxtaposition of holding close and letting go….the letting go of you daughter…and those first times are the scariest…but even after we can worry and wonder about them…esp on a bike at 4 am…but then the intimacy of pulling close as well to your husband in the end…i like…very nice piece c…now off to bed for me…see you manana

  3. Everyone always talks about learning to let go…never seems as easy as they say…this poem should ‘resonate’ with many a parent.

  4. Lovely, C … so intimate and tender … every last word plays music and pictures in my heart … mmmh 🙂

  5. A wonderful and heart-warming piece that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. Thank you, Claudia, for the memories of my boys on bikes and for the smiles. And, yes, angels ride bikes.

  6. A lot of good things. I love your concern of letting go.. and riding without a helmet. The watercolor of the cherries goes so well…

    The small thing about being in bed.. so well created. Both the toss and turn an the comfort.

  7. …ah, li’l moment that made me missed my mum… how she would go up.early in the morning to help me get fixed for school… cooking meals for my lunch while i take my bath… how lovely… i really liked the prolonged sound of vowels here Claudia… it worked really really effective for me… you & Brian are both so good at onomatopoeia… it fits both your style well… i barely try writing using it as i always suspect an awkward outcome…ha… i also liked the shifting of mood t’wards the latter part with the execution of a li’l humour & intimate snippets… aww… just loved it… loved everything about this piece & how it is so real… smiles… loved the li’l cherry masterpiece too Claudia… i can see you have way with mixing colours & your shading is really good from where you identity the light’s position… i was living somewhere near you i would invite you for some kind of painting bonding… smiles… double + treat = loved it!

  8. Love the present day leaving home contrasted with the leaving home on the way to kindergarten. Always hard when they are out of our sight. I loved the wordplay with the sounds, the atmosphere, the conversation in bed; and hey, I would like to picture angels riding bikes!!

  9. The juxtapositions of the security of home and the potential danger of the external environment, and of holding on to your husband and letting go of your daughter are beautifully handled in this poem, Claudia. Letting go is never easy.

  10. Forget the poem for a second, which is great, as usual. The conversation is the real winner. What a beautiful snapshot of your domestic life! 🙂

    Greetings from London.

  11. So many thoughts/memories, always packed in a mother’s/wife’s head, flittering to the surface – so many stages in our lives as well… so hard to let go, but once you do it’s fun to watch them soar.

    I love when poets paint… keep showing us these images !! 🙂

  12. Claudia everything that you wrote here is filled with tenderness – and sings with love. At first I wished to say “oh I loved the bird scene” but it just got better and better. Even the worms were yummy.

  13. oh, Claudia, you made me cry again….lol….hope you did ride bike first time together with daughter time ago, so now you can trust …alright…angels’re always with us, and you can surrender all worry to them…peace and hugs…crying with smile

  14. I don’t think there’s a parent who doesn’t relate to your feelings. It’s so hard to launch our kids into the world, to trust they’ll be okay. Your poem brought back memories of the fear. And I’ll tell you, it never stops totally, no matter how old they get. Lovely writing Claudia. It touched my heart.

  15. First, I love the watercolor painting ~

    Next, I can remember the first times I let go of my children, firsts are always memorable aren’t they ~ I also like the sounds & warmth of love & home ~ Have a good day ~

  16. You use your tools quite effectively here. The onomatopoeia evokes the child and sensory immersion that often accompanies the life of a child. Your choice of present tense gives the poem energy and a sense of immediacy. Using conversation and everyday language creates a sense of familiarity and intimacy. As the poem flows in and out of conscious states the reader floats through your atmosphere and allows us to reflect on our own experiences. Really lovely, Claudia.

  17. What a beautiful piece, Claudia. You weave your way from holding on to your daughter to letting go, and then holding onto your husband in the way of comfort and not restriction. The flashback and the peek into your married life all add to the beauty and richness of the piece.

  18. I love the tension between apprehension and comfort. I also love the intimacy that your words build. Beautiful illustration of the exercise, Claudia.

  19. You are exceptional with sound. onomatopoeia is hit or miss for me, but you- I swear this reads like you can do it in your sleep. I also really like how you parallel stories. They read seamless even though these are uniquely different experiences for your characters. well done.

  20. The painting is wonderful, the layers of life–joy fear now then–brought to life by all the devices and how wonderful to have one to hold as the other goes, one who knows the angels.

  21. Letting go is not straightforward, neither is it easy! Parents feel secure when they see their kids nearby not living on their own somewhere else! This resonates with many certainly! Great write Claudia!

    Hank

  22. You capture that half-awake time when memories and realities come together as dreams and then the great dialogue with your husband; the body taking its time to wake up, the mind already racing–like time and the daughter on the bike. (Oh and love the painting too!)

  23. you gathered and harnessed so much especially as i can taste this reaching to the back of my throat with feeling and memory Claudia you held it all together so well so many abstracts now go through my mind

  24. Fun watercolor, Claudia, and lovely dotted poem. The worms are there but the cherries are still sweet. You manage to bring alive the enjoyment and tolerance of each. k.

  25. sigh… and it’s not like fear has ever kept anyone safe, or worms from wriggling on one’s tongue {shudders} – love the title, Claudia, & i can’t even imagine you writing a poem without sackfuls of atmosphere 😉

  26. I think you blended your moods quite brilliantly in this piece. I definitely felt the tinge of fear, the comfort of love and the sweet taste of cherry dreams.