in the park, pondering that Ali/Foreman fight //out of the blue

“i thought you were asleep”,
the bumble bee with plushy face
close to my ears, says “do you sleep—?”
bumps dayDreamSoft against my cheeks,
hair tousled under heaps
of pollen, leaves, trace
a milky way-ish tail along the maze
of– do you sleepyousleepyousleep (slow slurping song)
formed thickly on her summer-heavy tongue

 .

AbAabbA – that should be the Rondelet rhyme scheme…there’s a syllable count as well.. mine was off a bit..smiles.. be sure to stop by in the pub when Tony opens the doors at 3pm EST.. I’m still in Hamburg on a business trip, will be flying back home late tonight and all day in seminars today, so will catch up Friday morning…

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48 responses to “in the park, pondering that Ali/Foreman fight //out of the blue

  1. This was a pretty verse. The part that grabbed me was
    a milky way-ish tail along the maze
    of– do you sleepyousleepyousleep (slow slurping song)
    formed thickly on her summer-heavy tongue
    Wonderfully written Claudia.

  2. How have you broken the form?
    Let me count the ways …. smiles.

    The most obvious ways are the extra line and the missed repetition of the refrain (I thought you were asleep). But you do have a very pretty, light verse, which is most often what the rondelet form results in … and I hope you had fun writing it, which is really the point. … smiles.

    Catch you at the pub later.

  3. My phone not doing but I am trying to think of what Ali used to say– dance like a butterfly sting like a bee? Your poem uses the form in a sleepy ring around the rosy hugging way that also works for Ali. It has a strong charm. K.

    Something off with my phone so excuse typos!

  4. Another beautiful poem and some great comments above!! Enjoyed reading them all!!
    Form vs Content, hmmm. I had a lovely exchange of e-mails over two days with the editor of a US magazine about a haiku I had written which he wanted. The issues were using “simple” or “simply” and was “the” necessary in one line and if so had to be in another.
    To agree with him was to depart from the strict form but enhance the content. He was right and I learned an important lesson in a most enjoyable way.
    I love your Rondelet, regards, Kevin
    ps am old enough to remember the fight and have been a very young fan of Ali!!

    • “i thought you were asleep”,
      the bumble bee with plushy face
      close to my ears, says “do you sleep—?”

      I like the way that you have captured a moment [as you ponder]…I can feel the day.
      [warm sun, bleue sky, and bumble bee passing by…]
      Thanks, for sharing !
      deedee 🙂

  5. smiles…its a cute verse…i like your little conversation with the bumble…its rather disney-ish….i think it would lull me to sleep with its little sleepysleep buzzing song…on its thick summer tongue…smiles.

  6. Great! You found ‘sleepysleep buzzing song’…very playfully done, starting with ‘plushy face’ of bumble bee… Definitely, content – more important for me too

  7. I was wondering about the Ali–but K explained it–but before her explanation I thought about summer KOing a sunbather, and the Bee as referee. I’m not sure which explanation pleases me more, but I love that she hears rather than shoos bees, and knows the buzz, knows the buzz. Delightful, every word matters!

  8. float like a butterfly, sting like a bee; oh, yeah; great take on the rondelet, and yet with your poetic fingers all over the form. I followed Brian’s lead, and changed syllable count to 6/12, & Tony got a kick out of it.

  9. Daydream soft–wonderful! Sometimes trying to keep to a form leads us into new and unusual places–not so good for the form, but great for the poem! Nicely done!

  10. ..you are the queen of originality Claudia… your voice & style are very distinct in everything you write one thing i find it hard to make consistency… a brave, excellent write… loved the ‘summer heavy tongue’— freshly baked from yours… smiles…

  11. there is a soft whimsy dreaminess to this (and maybe a bit of fairy dust). I like the Milky Way-ish trail and the slow slurping song.

  12. This lovely poem felt like I just popped a sweet piece of delicate milk chocolate in my mouth. I’m amazed at the images you create.
    I’m catching up on some of the poems i missed. Had tons of company, no time to check blogs. Sure glad I didn’t mss this one.

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