6:30, on the highway, night, still clinging to me

on my way to work

on my way to work

 .

saving
last night’s breath in
foggy jars, we speed, through
concrete mornings, cut, by blushing
tail lights

over at dVerse Tony has us writing cinquains..2 syllables, followed by 4, 6, 8 and finally 2 syllables again..wanna give it a try..? doors open at 3pm EST

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64 responses to “6:30, on the highway, night, still clinging to me

    • Perfect! A single moment captured in just a few words – and there is no doubt about you describing your morning commute.

      Thanks for playing along. See you at the bar later 🙂

  1. …6:30 is quite late to me here… i had to wake up as early as 3:30 in the morning to fix self then head my way for more than 2 hours of travel to office… ha, still wonder how i was able to make it everyday having this kind of set up both in the morning & evening… maybe, it’s the satisfaction i get from my work that drives me to make each day… really nice Claudia… smiles…

  2. really nice imagism in this claudia…catching the breath in jars adds a touch of magic for me…concrete mornings is a great descriptor as well…you did really well with the form…

  3. Enjoyed this so much! Your longer pieces, Claudia, are like a sharp saber wielded with such care as to cut a single piece of paper. But this piece, oh, dear, you must stand so very close to another’s heart to thrust out with such a dagger and catch one unaware. But that you did—with a woman’s blush and a flash of concrete… 🙂

  4. Don’t know which I like better, the title or the cinquain. You rocked the form with your blushing tail lights. Your title is almost a cinquain in itself.

  5. Wow, impressive use of form !! I read this over & over many times today till I was able to tap into some of that commuting magic for myself !! Thank You for your incredible inspiration !!!

  6. You get a fond burst of smiles from me. I love the blushing tail lights! I love the assumption that every driver has had foggy breath nights!

  7. concrete mornings… reminds me how blue the winter months make those who travel to and from work in darkness, missing out on a full day’s sun.

  8. …almost sounds to me like she hasn’t made it home yet…. last night is still swirling around in her breath as morning almost blinks its intrusion.. Ah, I remember when I didn’t want the night to end…. Oh well, that’s what this reminded me of! 🙂

  9. There is something funny to me in that you chose this subject for the cinquain…as if you are still too tired to give the mornings a lot of words. Sum it up and get on with the day! (or maybe I’m projecting a hate of early mornings onto it) very clever with nice images, and a cool picture.

  10. I wonder if the driver who cuts another driver actually blushes. He should take his cue from his blushing tail lights. 🙂 This is a lovely capture of a common event. 🙂

  11. …You have captured a moment in your photograph with your mere poetic words:
    “saving
    last night’s breath in
    foggy jars, we speed, through
    concrete mornings, cut, by blushing
    tail lights…”

    Thanks,
    deedee 🙂

  12. For me the foggy jars were the foggy windows on a wet, dull morning as you struggle with the lack of visibility in your mirrors and windscreen… It’s certainly an experience with which we can all relate, which perhaps is the whole point of short verse forms: capturing that moment of universal insight.

  13. Claudia… i had to chuckle, you queen of many lines of poetry, have complete wonderful thoughts in just a few lines… standing now and applauding… loved what you captured in a jar

  14. concrete mornings in the dark…so different to here…even in the winter it is light with blue sky at 7 am…lovely snippet of the cold clime country!