peter pan is just a fairytale

i write notes on hyperbaric walls
blue speckled spray paint can in hand,
drive 5-lane roads that slightly fall

into a madly bliNKing witch ride roll,
blurred red & yellow glistening strands,
i write notes on hyperbaric walls,

trade spearmint bubbles at a sun-lit mall,
eagle on my passport bent,
hit 5-lane roads that slightly fall,

blame the moon for being there at all
high in the sky, shining on neverland,
i write notes on hyperbaric walls

taste of oysters mingle with the night’s mute crawl,
wrapped in a set of pillows & suspense,
walk 5-lane roads that slightly fall

the sheet, spread on the cracks is small
a sun patch where his voice expands,
i write notes on hyperbaric walls
& 5-lane roads that slightly fall

.

see..i have both.. fun and weird moments over here in cali…as long as they fit in a villanelle, everything’s fine though…smiles… sam has us writing villanelles at dVerse today…may wanna try your hands on one..? doors open at 3pm EST

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48 responses to “peter pan is just a fairytale

  1. your talent just constantly amazes me. this is fabulous. you worked the form perfectly.
    “blame the moon for being there at all” … my favorite

  2. As far as I’m concerned, you can write notes wherever you like. I’m sure even your notes are poetic. It sounds like you’re soaking in the rich, almost overwhelming experience of California. Your poem is like a blast of images. It’s you.

  3. i def would not mind some oysters you know….there is a nice surreality to this but all based in reality, each image blends well with the next…the blaming of the moon made me smile….dang gravity that comes along with it too…rocking turn on the form claudia…

  4. You work the form so well, Claudia – keeping your distinctive voice and perceptions – and great choice of anchor lines – I like the contrast much between the hyperbaric walls and the endless freeways – and all the other little details – spearmint bubbles, moon, cracked sheets – I remember driving hours in the wrong direction once in LA – they used to have a big book map of the city – lovely poem. k.

  5. I’m going to have to try this–I really love poetic refrain and you did this so well! Love how you tied in neverland–peter pan is one of my favs 🙂

  6. I love the way you face up to challenges. This one was a tough one, I must admit. I loved the sense of rhythm you created with your repetition. You had me tapping my feet there. 🙂

    Thanks.

    Greetings from London.

  7. I agree with Brian- I’m guessing you feel like you’re living on oxygen or maybe the walls are wavering as they sometimes do out west. Loved the way you used the form – very fluid, and at the same time exhilarating.

  8. You must’ve been riding on the So California freeways at night to write this – if you squint the lights begin to look like phantasmagoria – but I don’t suggest driving and squinting. Loved this. Enjoy the weather – “looks like another perfect day, I Love LA.” – Randy Newman

  9. trade spearmint bubbles at a sun-lit mall,
    eagle on my passport bent,
    hit 5-lane roads that slightly fall,

    Love that stanza, actually it just flows so beautifully to create a great picture of your travels. Very nice!

  10. Wonderful use of the form, filtered through your international perceptions out there in LaLaLand. Like others, I marvel at how flawless the form disappears in the narrative, within the imagery; nice job.

  11. Clever use of the form, Claudia. I am thoroughly impressed that you are driving those five-line roads!!! This is definitely not a feat for the faint of heart.

  12. You and Brian both are trying to scare us, writing form this well! ;_) This is lovely, totally hypnotic, and just rings with your signature style, despite the villanelle’s constrictions. Enjoyed it very much.

  13. This poem reminds me of Michael Jackson’s quixotic dream to never grow up – the references to Peter Pan, Neverland, the hyperbaric chamber – but there’s a sombre subtlety to this, an undercurrent that makes that an unattainable dream.

  14. i write notes on hyperbaric walls <this refrain line is one I loved come round to

    Enjoyed the romp.. but ending with 'fall' ensures a darker message or a least a complexity of experience. Enjoy seeing you write in a regulated form Claudia 🙂

  15. ….brings back to me the mood of a night driving in L. A. many years ago on the way to Disneyland….similar sensations of light, almost irritable contrast between the ideal and the real coming together if I may say so, but so effectively written.

  16. Nice use of repetition in the villanelle Claudia, I’m remembering the first week we tried villanelles on one stop and how difficult it was to get the rhyme and rhythm right!! Think it took a few attempts. I like the free verse version gives more leniency x

  17. Well I’m just amazed at how well this worked out—perhaps in light of my impending failure. No excuse, yours works, even at those high pressures! Tons of imagery – “taste of oysters mingle with the night’s mute crawl”. Enjoyed. Any oysters left?!

  18. I wonder if I wish Peter Pan were not a fairy tale. There’s a little Neil Gaiman quote floating around telling a person who wants to grow up to be a writer–“Just be a writer, growing up is highly over-rated”” (I paraphrase a little). 5 lanes of traffic is just too much. “hyperbaric walls” = built of pressured gasses? Hmm. Again too much, as in I want to scream in never land, as in “mingle with the night’s mute crawl . . .” again and again. I don’t know if I understood your poem, but if I were looking for a never never land in LA, I would whither away in a theatre watching film after film until, like Echo, I faded away.

  19. “blame the moon for being there at all
    high in the sky, shining on neverland,
    i write notes on hyperbaric walls…”

    Hi! Claudia…
    Thanks, for sharing your lovely, villanelle… peter pan is just a fairytale…

    [Which I like to read [or enjoy reading very much so…] …since you introduce the villanelle to your readers, over there at Splitterwitter(Sp)… ] deedee 🙂

    By the way, Happy Halloween!

    .

    ,

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