mostly sugar i guess–

“Doesn’t make much sense–“, she says, slow-
ly, hands brush along crumpled seams,
placed (careful) in the soft & yellow glow-
ing lamp light, fished clean of the mean-
ing, partly frayed & (really, really) blurred, it seems
not easy to locate, but back
is not an option, (so instead– of running or whatever) she folds cream-
cake shades from battered blinds that lack
as good as everything

.

over at dVerse we’re looking at the huitain form today.. i went a bit free style but if you take away the parenthesis parts and the last line, you should find a perfect-in-form huitain underneath..smiles…pub doors will open at 3pm EST… 

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46 responses to “mostly sugar i guess–

  1. surreal a bit in the imagery….it made me think of someone folding and packing clothes, may be of someone that passed away…i like the textures….probably one of the easier forms we have tackled….

  2. interesting, has the kind of depth that takes me a few readings to keep pulling out, got a very strong sense of the internal moment, nice claudia, thanks!

    esp liked,

    “fished clean of the mean-
    ing, partly frayed & (really, really) blurred”

  3. Beautifully crafted. LOVE it! I am going to have to do some reading up on this form before I tackle it. Worked very, very well here. So well, I cannot guess the form from your offering 🙂

  4. Very interesting poem, Claudia – the fished clean of meaning line, and all of it – there’s such an atmosphere of loss here, and the parentheticals work especially well. k.

  5. You have an amazing way with images–I can see the hands, the seams, the light–even a sad face, though you didn’t mention that–beautiful!

  6. One of your more ambiguous poems Claudia, and I am guessing somehow one of your most personal. I saw a woman who is usually very tidy who might be upset spilling things, upsetting things, wringing hands and trying to fix it later. The imagery sets it in a kitchen at nightfall of morning with the fabrics..sweet and battered..hmm. As always the images are in movement, in time, and therefore somewhat musical. Really dense work.

  7. Loving the first line – the internal dialogue- posing a question that could be interpreted so many ways- for me- it made me think about someone questioning there ‘role’ as in a woman, cleaning, cooking, pondering on how she ended up in this situation and it’s absurdity- something like that anyway!!! Totally engaging as always!

  8. Mmmmm. An interesting picture you’ve painted here. It reminds me of my mom sewing up pleated curtains when I was a kid. I love how you played with the form.

  9. I think you handled this form wonderfully!
    I read up on it over at dverse — seemed very difficult.

    You have created a great picture — a poetic painting. 🙂

  10. Flows great, compelling me to dive in. I feel the silence, the need for tact, and I am embroiled in her mystery as she does what needs to be done: She is straightening crumpled seams on something carefully placed there for her to mend. It doesn’t make sense because it has been stripped of meaning–but she did not do that herself. Frayed, blurred, not easy to locate–It’s a STAIN!– good, and further, let her mask the room with shades, blinds–She must help someone hide a crime, same old, same old–mostly sugar? spun, made-up, not nurturing? The start of a murder mystery film. . . or Maybe she’s just eating a cupcake.

  11. I love what you did with the prompt – the word breaks are cool. I especially love your line “fished clean of the meaning”.

  12. so many layers and meanings and images to be gleaned from this one… bittersweet is the feel i get. i love the way you used the form!

  13. I DID IT! I made me a big fat ole FORM. Gemma and all at dverse got me going.

    This poem is a Dali painting in words. Surreal, not sure what it all means, but loving it anyway. I get the comment about how you spread things out a bit, and slow-ly and glow-ing, I liked that. Met the rhyme scheme but cleverly hedged the constraints. Leave it to you, Claudia! Amy, and here’s mine:
    http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/08/17/twofer-thursday-dverse-and-3ww/

  14. really nicely done Claudia. Love how you carried your lines over, and not just doing it, but the manner you did it, turned out to be both artistic and really a creative way working with the syllabic counts. Excellent piece. Thanks

  15. Love how you bend the words into your own music! I get the feeling of packing some kind of metaphorical suitcase in preparation for some multi-dimensional journey! Fascinating!

  16. You fly in and out of the form like a bird with a succulent morsel held high–and we are the luck baby birds getting it. ;_) Fun, Ms. Claudia.

  17. Wow… I love what you did with the form, very interesting. I like the flow… you make me want to try the form again, this time with a little less rigidity. I especially like how you broke up slow-ly and glow-ing… causes one to slow down even more and take a deeper drink.

  18. mostly sugar i guess–
    …is not an option, (so instead– of running or whatever) she folds cream-
    cake shades from battered blinds that lack
    as good as everything.”

    Hi! Claudia…
    Thanks, for sharing your huitain…beautiful!
    deedee 🙂