On (a) Sub_Mission

dim lights sprinkle dust-breath–
from the dancefloor sways
the scent of fresh plowed soil
& with tender hands you work
the wrinkles on my shirt,
———-we’re lost–

in webs of countless steps
that never matter really but
are pillars to the Now,
sticking closer to your moves, i
shut my eyes to feel,
Feel the way you wanna go,
———wade deep &

it doesn’t come
so easy to me, for the
crazy drummers in my head that in
such moments wake, with insane glitter
in their eyes, shout at me: “Re-
Gain Control”, that it’s dangerous
to submit, that with the giving in i’ll Fall
deeper, Deeper, towards ground_less,
clashing into yawning gaps–
———-but–

tonight, fertile clay clings
to my toes and i lean deep
into your steps, with bleeding fingers cut
tiny chunks of heartbeat from my chest,
tuck ‘em carefully between your ribs &

shift my naked body’s warmth upon you
like a blanket for the never covered,
fragile, molten wax & thick with what
i want our dance to be,

———i burn the veil &
ask you to lead me

.

it’s OpenLinkNIght at dVersePoets with Joy Ann Jones tending bar…so write a poem and join the party.. 3pm EST..

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73 responses to “On (a) Sub_Mission

  1. hehe…i like claudia…def hard, the submission…the letting go of control…this has been a struggle for me in the past…esp when i first came out of the corporate world…maybe a bit of pride and even some security in knowing i had my finger on the pulse…can be even harder in those intimate relationships as well…i have heard that drummer…well played ma’am…smiles

  2. What a beautiful way to express the “letting go” necessary to sway to the flow of life. The dance is difficult and often hard to follow.

    (Hope you had a great time at the actual dance.)

  3. We don’t know the real love until we know surrender, I think, and this is a poem filled with both, yet never losing its autonomy. The images of that planetary dancefloor of life we spin around on are my favorite parts, but I have to admit, the ending lines give them a contest–loved it all, Claudia.

  4. It seems so hard to surrender to anything, what with crazy drummers everywhere beating marches to different paths. Your subject seems to have found a way though. The fourth stanza is the key for me. A Genesis-in reverse creation of one from two…..

  5. Damn! Steve beat me to the burn baby burn comment, hmph. But yeah can be hard to let go of control, yet it is fun and must be done, so burn the house down. Not literally of course…haha

  6. Sometimes so difficult to let go and let someone else lead us but, once we do, we tend to find that all elusive freedom in the letting go.
    Beautiful dance of words, to life’s drum.

  7. Yes, sensual once again (your trademark? no, one of them!). Every one of your poems is an entity in itself, with a life of its own… perhaps one could say this about any poem (?) but yours especially just take off.

  8. scorchingly beautiful claudia! cut tiny chinks of heartbeat from the chest reminded me of my favourite singer/songwriter, Vic Chesnutt. the perfect poem to start the day. am glowing!

  9. love the way you wrote this, pouring words down the page like molten lava…

    this pulled at my heart from the beginning, love and all its dangerousness, making us small and scared and vulnerable, and yet, we dance, we always dance.

    “with bleeding fingers cut tiny chunks of heartbeat from my chest…”

    sigh. yes.

  10. So- this is what I got. Music = living life freely. Silence = living life in constraint. the crazy drummers in your head anre the ones telling you to GO FOR IT. But there’s always that voice that says ‘don’t do it- you don’t know whats gonna happen and your out of your comfort zone’- its a battle- a total tug of war. I then got at the end- about being led- and to me- this meant wanting someone to show you the way- to tell you waht you SHOULD do- because sometimes its easier this way. the more I think about it- the abstract, almost fractured nature of this poem gives that feeling of being lost, of anxiety- and this comes though in the themes and the ending. Go i go on- don’t I sorry. Oh- and did i mention I really liked it as well? 🙂

  11. WOW, I absolutely love that!!!! ” from the dancefloor sways the scent of fresh plowed soil & with tender hands you work the wrinkles on my shirt, ———-we’re lost–” This is just magical, it takes two to have a fantasy!! Brilliant; as good as anything I’ve read…

  12. the ending’s strong, with burning the veil (love that)… glad it happened so – and damn that “Re-Gain Control”-shouting voice anyway (too vocal for its, my own good)

  13. , with bleeding fingers cut
    tiny chunks of heartbeat from my chest,
    tuck ‘em carefully between your ribs &

    shift my naked body’s warmth upon you

    I wanted to cry when I read this–and you make the writing feel like it just flows out of you–so then I want to cry again–lovely, lovely write

  14. we all need guidance from time to time

    “for the
    crazy drummers in my head that in
    such moments wake, with insane glitter
    in their eyes,” …excellent visual

    Peace ☮

  15. Wow Claudia, this is so sensual and earthy I can smell and feel the clay, feel the warmth and friction. Tastefully erotic, and gorgeous gorgeous imagery and wording!! I love reading your poems!!!
    Amy

  16. I’m one of those people with two left feet, so reading your great piece about dancing filled me with something of a vicarious joy. You are so good at conveying action, emotion, desire in such subtle, evocative tones that I’m continually spell-bound. In you your poem, you show that you can be both a lover AND a dancer. 🙂

  17. Claudia, that third stanza is outstanding, it resonates with me oh so much. Lots of amazing lines hear, from the slightly abstract to a great job at switching up some word placement, really a great write. Thanks

  18. Letting go is definitely hard to do indeed. But for true love to be, letting go is the first step. Beautifully and creatively written. Burn the veil….makes me think of that moment of pure love newlyweds have for each other, and the (hopefully) the first (of many) time they truly learn to let go and love each other.

  19. Hi Claudia, I found this work to be so sensual and raw, and I LOVED it! I felt like I was the woman in your poem, and you really captured some beautiful, beautiful images. So lyrical!!

  20. sensually expressed, loved:

    “tonight, fertile clay clings
    to my toes and i lean deep
    into your steps, with bleeding fingers cut
    tiny chunks of heartbeat from my chest”

    lingered there for a time….wonderfully penned Claudia, send you well! ~ Rose

  21. this is gorgeous Claudia…..erotic word play but in parts I can go a different direction if I want to.. ..I could feel the drums…the cadence of heartbeats…

    tonight, fertile clay clings
    to my toes and i lean deep
    into your steps, with bleeding fingers cut
    tiny chunks of heartbeat from my chest,
    tuck ‘em carefully between your ribs &

    just beautiful

  22. Stunning! “…with bleeding fingers cut
    tiny chunks of heartbeat from my chest,
    tuck ‘em carefully between your ribs &”
    So vulnerable, strong and bittersweet.

  23. with bleeding fingers cut
    tiny chunks of heartbeat from my chest,
    tuck ‘em carefully between your ribs &

    …. This is some message, Claudia.. couldn’t be more intimate…

  24. Oh Claudia, this is lovely! I particularly like the lines,
    ‘in webs of countless steps
    that never matter really but
    are pillars to the Now,’

    And the next stanza is amazing as well. This is one of my favorites of your so far!

  25. You have such a magical way of capturing a moment. I especially liked Stanza 3:
    “…it doesn’t come
    so easy to me, for the
    crazy drummers in my head that in
    such moments wake, with insane glitter
    in their eyes, shout at me: “Re-
    Gain Control”, that it’s dangerous
    to submit,”
    Sometimes the passion, the “dance,” is worth that submission.
    Wonderfully expressed, Claudia.

  26. Giving up control….a subject dear to my heart. It’s true that love is not complete until there is surrender and wow the heat you evoke at the end, gives me chills with its finality and truth. So very well done, Claudia!

  27. Well, you defintely seemed to have been on a mission when you wrote this! Even the meter is submissively strong! The endiing creates a nice pianissimo conclusion. Very musical!

  28. This made my breath catch in my throat…read it more than once!

    “tonight, fertile clay clings
    to my toes and i lean deep
    into your steps, with bleeding fingers cut
    tiny chunks of heartbeat from my chest,
    tuck ‘em carefully between your ribs &”

    My favorite stanza 🙂

  29. Hello again! I’ve given you a Liebster Blog Award. You can visit my blog to see what it’s all about. It’s nice to pass it on, but if you are not into that, it’s ok with me. Just a little something to let you know I appreciate you and your blog.
    http://wp.me/p1sxZr-7V
    Eva

  30. Wow. Striking imagery throughout (especially burning the veil at the end), but I especially loved this combo:
    ” with bleeding fingers cut
    tiny chunks of heartbeat from my chest,”
    Wow. Again. thank you.

  31. i feast on your words and the visions they call forth… savoring each bite… each taste… and in the end, i submit to the passion that is claudia! stunning, as always!

  32. Pingback: encore presentation: 2012 featured poets — Brian @bmiller007 & Claudia @cmschoenfeld from dVerse ~ Poets Pub @dVersePoets | my heart's love songs

  33. Pingback: featured poets — Claudia Schoenfeld @cmschoenfeld + #giveaway | my heart's love songs