between un-seen

you’re mad at me, i flee,
try to hide in the light of
dangerously down-ward space,

shades race, brawling on

sunday morning lawn, no
dawn for me today, they
dash their breath, crash &

rattling ropes limit scopes
of movement, beaten, bent i

sink into their yellow crusted,
unfamiliar face, seeking grace,

sprinkles in the wrinkles of a
wise old wife, her crackling eyes,
splintered into thousand
trace-back-to redemption lies,

in each of them, shelves, find
shards of myself

crawling in the dirt between
a world that isn’t real you say,
and when the sun goes down,
i drown, you

pull me back instead of
clasping close, stitched to my skin,
bare, share my fears, weep my tears,

care and bed your head somewhere

between–

unseen

.

this week’s Poetics prompt will be brought to you by Brian Miller…jump over to dVerse when the gates swing open at 3 pm EST….and let’s see what you.. may see…

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60 responses to “between un-seen

  1. Loved your word choice for this one. I especially liked this part:

    sprinkles in the wrinkles of a
    wise old wife, her crackling eyes,
    splintered into thousand
    trace-back-to redemption lies,

    powerful! Loved it!

  2. What we see or not see…I am a positive person, so another chance?

    Like these lines:

    “i drown, you

    pull me back instead of
    clasping close, stitched to my skin,
    bare, share my fears, weep my tears,

    care and bed your head somewhere”

  3. Your word choices always entice me. I hold my breath as I read, waiting, anticipating the next phrase to capture my attention, awaken my imagination.

    Fabulous!

    PS — love the new bio!

  4. ha. some fabulous word play claudia…and you tweaked it a little since my last peek…looks nice…flows sweet…beaten, bent, i some fun allit and gives a great pic…hope he’s not mad any more…smiles.

  5. I was with you until crawling in the dirt, you’re on your own there..haha

    Really mixed in the great word play today, as usual. The whole unseen affect was nicely played too, love the allure to the unseen.

  6. Clever use of rhyme in this your poem. What’s magical to me about it, is the fact it subtle links various transitions. The rhyme creates a kind of cadence marker or traffic signal indicating proceed at the previous pace. Hard to describe, but I sense your contrived pace, and enlivens the poem. I pretty much worship the prose you dance upon. More, please, more!

  7. Um, incredible:

    “her crackling eyes,
    splintered into thousand
    trace-back-to redemption lies,”

    “when the sun goes down,
    i drown, you pull me back instead”

    ~safehousepoetry.wordpress.com

  8. Great interior rhyme moves this one with urgency, Claudia, and the mood is oppressive yet a bit manic as well–a hard line to walk as smoothly as you do here. Esp like the passage you’ve made the first five stanzas–perfect set-up for that drowning and un-rescue at the end. It can be tough, turning the third eye where you are looking here.

  9. I love this challenge … seeing with one’s feelings here is a form of ouija, divining unsayables and coming up with a poem. And whether the conversation is between persons or persona, the territory is the same … between …. and unseen. Great poem.

  10. I really felt this one. Hate it when someone close is angry with me. But loved your depiction of the unseen sway of emotions within a relationship.

  11. First off…love the title, brilliant! I guess sometimes when we are blessed with that magical vision, we’d rather not be. ignorance can be bliss, especially when it comes to running and fleeing from anger. As always, the pace and flow is filled with the music I’ve come to expect. Original and unique, creative, colorful and most of all…magical! Loved it!

  12. I see much growth in your work, Claudia– specifically in your lovely magery– it is hard to convey what the heart sees– for me the poem could be tightened a bit and its focus made a bit clearer. Lovely! xj

  13. There’s something like a rat-in-a-maze mood to this, of trying to escape (anger? shame?) and not finding refuge until, exhausted, there seems to be some kind of peace, or truce at the end.

    And really fine lines, such as

    “rattling ropes limit scopes
    of movement”

    -wish I’d thought of that!

  14. trying to escape the world when you feel someone is mad at you, sometimes its just better to face it, the time wasted in running, know that feeling

  15. Claudia, I am here with you, glad I’m not somewhere else. A lot for me to ponder here. A perspective of one’s very conscience, soul. thank you.

    Love your clean, orderly sidebar, and ‘about me’ (you!)
    PEACE!

  16. There are some wonderful lines in this, Claudia. I love “…splintered into thousand trace-back-to-redemption lies.” But there are so many. Really good.

  17. Your writing gets stronger with each poem, Claudia. This is dense with images and emotions. Your arrangement is as arresting as your words are fluid creating an inner tension that builds and speaks to the words within. Brilliant as usual!

  18. Making up is the best part! “…share my fears, weep my tears”….. beautiful. I can’t add to what all the others have said, which is to also say your word choices were delectable – forcing me to read slowly and soak it in, letting those powerful emotions like “seeking grace” into me. We’ve all been there, guilt ridden, hating ourselves for this or that. Brendan is right in that this is a challenge of emotion. And I agree with Kellie too because I think it is lyrical. I found myself breaking its cadence in the strangest places and my mind was actually singing the words of your poem. Claudia this is beautiful. A real emotion, moving.

  19. I especially like these lines…

    sprinkles in the wrinkles of a
    wise old wife, her crackling eyes,
    splintered into thousand
    trace-back-to redemption lies,

    depth in those wrinkles, lives unseen by those of us who glimpse in for a peek.

  20. ‘trace-back-to redemption lies,

    in each of them, shelves, find
    shards of myself’

    the splinters of reality hidden in our lives, our different selves. Loved this one Claudia

  21. i hear all of your poems in your voice now, Claudia, and love the richness that it gives them. your evocative imagery continues to get more vivid and the musical flow is spellbinding. i especially was touched by ~

    “crawling in the dirt between
    a world that isn’t real you say,”

    ‘you say’ resonating as if an echo chasing itself around in my head.
    stunning piece, Claudia1 ♥

  22. okay, i’ve read it several times. bed your head is my double secret favorite. something about the meaning, mood and sound of that word combination that fuels the overall ending energy, which i like so much.

  23. sprinkles in the wrinkles of a wise old wife…. I love that bit. The piece in its entirety was a familiar ride through desperation, that I don’t go on too often, but yeah… been there. Your line breaks keep me going back it goes and goes with an almost singsong rhythm that pulls me through. Brava!

  24. “you’re mad at me, i flee,
    try to hide in the light of
    dangerously down-ward space…”

    Hi! Claudia…
    Once again, your words are beautiful…In your poem I noticed several “key” words: Of course, the title between-Unseen, depression, facing the shades…

    Thanks, for sharing your very poetic words too!
    deedee 😉

  25. “and when the sun goes down, I drown”….wow, what a line! The whole piece just chips away at the reader, dragging him down into that decrepit state to feel it all. Great details abound.