stab me with the sun

stab me

with the last, fast floating sun beams
as the evening glistens sweet & soft
like candy floss

the rails lead nowhere,

watching trains,
high voltage strains like
they were toys, held in the sticky hands
of little boys, lost in their play

just stab me

slowly and dramatically as the day
has bored, ripped me to death already

we pass people in their cars.

no one moves us, neither do we care
enough to smile or shout or tear them
on their shoulders out of
susurrating silence,

dancing tango argentina
(with that passionate look
that melts the glaciers in this land)
right on the lake-side street,
dipping our feet, laying our tongue
in fire folds –

we run,

turn up the music and
imagine standing on the stages of our
lives –

the brave, the winner, the silent,
lined up comically on the promenade
like they belong; nowhere

Will You stab me

my heart sinks to the deepest point,
hitting the dead-line of the day
when sunlips kiss the gurgling waterbed

blood-red

.

i’ll be your host for tonight’s poetry party over at One Stop Poetry, come, write a poem and join us..sign up opens 5pm EST

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44 responses to “stab me with the sun

  1. Claudia, I am really enjoying your poetry. This piece is so vivid and expressive- wonderful. I especially like that you recorded it, it is much more enjoyable to hear the poet reading her poem the way she wants it to be heard.

  2. whew…love the intesity my friend…the repeated refrain of stab me is attention getting as well..this is a top notch piece poet.

  3. Caught right from the title – jolting in its intensity, shocking us both with the intensity of the summer around you, and the horrible scope of the boredom that has enshrouded you. The repetition pounds us again and again with feeling. Vivid delight my friend!

  4. Just what i expect from you… nothing short of amazing!

    the repeated “stab me” was so gripping…

    along with the imagery… it was sunny and dark.
    from candy floss to blood-red… greatness!!

  5. Each dull day ends.. in a different way to different people… this very fact just amazes me to the utmost degree!
    And I think you have expressed this all so very BEAUTIFULLY (although this word seems so weak before your poem)…

  6. Sharp, but not simple, all kinds of things going on, standing ideas on their heads, another great Claudia poem. Where I am the sun will indeed stab you and make you hurt today–so it fits all the more.

  7. Well done. I especially like the contrast in:

    just stab me

    slowly and dramatically as the day
    has bored, ripped me to death already

    Nicely written One Shot!

  8. Great craft here, Claudia, slipping rhymes within the lines without jarring the flow of the piece. Educational, too. Your beautifully alliterative “suserrating silence” sent me to the dictionary. That’s just one other reason I’m a better man having read this poem

  9. Hahaha, I just had the funniest moment. I had opened maybe 20 tabs from onestop, and didn’t recognize your blog from the layout when I came to the tab. I started reading, and from the start I’m feeling “Hey, this is some good stuff, this is the one worth finding after reading through 18 tabs of “I love you but our relationship hurts like the adjacent sun burning the azure coated honeybee in a river of bla bla”.. and then I scroll up to see whose blog this is and it all made sense.

    It’s a nice piece, C, there are maybe some images that I am not comfortable with (like “the stage of our lives”), but you are great as usual.

    • Hahaha I know the feeling Anton. It’s like a mountain of moody teenagers and just plain bullshit you have to dig through sometimes. I still only truly like/read a few blogs, but two of them are in this thread. There is hope for us yet!

      • But there’s a danger in that too, Scott, since we all periodically grow stale and boring, so one has to brave the mountains of “war is terrible and think of the effervescent children brightly playing in their shining innocence” and so on to get to the good bits. I recommend Coal black, who is doing some really cool stuff…

        • haha enjoying the conversation and agree with anton – it’s worth digging and trying something new to find the treasures… anton – did you know that coal black /fireblossom has another blog as well? shay’s wordgarden

  10. I have been stabbed by the sun as well as your piece. You always have a way of describing moments as if they were under a microscope…thanks for this.

  11. Stab me and be done with it..please will you stab me. I feel desperate when I write this but, there is no obvious desperation in your words..just a subtle plea. wow.

  12. The repetition Of these words “Will You stab me…” remind me Of the repetition that a person who do the same mundane things in life…repeatedly.

    Hi! Claudia…
    Once again, your written words[ poetry] is/are very…beautiful!
    Your spoken words is/are very…beautiful!
    I was wondering how do I separate the two?
    Thanks, for sharing!
    deedee 😉

  13. Claudia, another truly great poem. Brilliant opening line. It captured me from the start; and, you didn’t let that line go, you just continued to feed off of it like a shark repeating its attack. I applaud you for it in this piece. Also, your use of alliteration and assonance is schrewd and clever, not contrived in my opinion. Clearly, you are a fantastic bard and one heck of a talent. More, more, more, please more!

  14. Claudia! I know we are to go broader in our reading of poetry, but I keep coming back to you because everytime I do, I am refreshed in innumerable ways.

    The intensity of this poem pierces me deeply. and I’m not ashamed to say it moved me profoundly, but why I haven’t grasped yet. The line is pure, the rhythm good, but there is such a sweet call to the heart here.

    Thank you, Claudia. You write beyond the visible words. This is more than poetry.

    Lady Nyo

  15. ‘the brave, the winner, the silent,
    lined up comically on the promenade
    like they belong; nowhere’
    brought to mind the hollowness of achievement unmarried from meaning, how sometimes we choose to show up in life as caricatures because the pain of the stage temporarily leaves us dissociated. That sense of dissociation permeated the poem yet I felt embodiment return in the last lines leading to ‘blood-red’ which made the piece more heartbreaking. Thank you.

  16. Just a wonderful examination of individual isolation and the soporific of togetherness.

    Will You stab me

    my heart sinks to the deepest point,
    hitting the dead-line of the day…

    What a perfect ending to the piece.

  17. …a lovely whirlwind of motion sweeping me across an evening landscape that culminates in…”when sunlips kiss the gurgling waterbed…blood-red.” Interestingly several evenings ago, here in Metro Detroit, the sky and everything around went to a dusky yellow, then orange, and then reddish-orange as if I was on a Martian landscape…wish I hade taken a photo…but “duh” I was too enthralled watching the scene…fortunately others witnessed this too…Roger ☺

  18. “stab me” such a perfect illustration in this piece of the sun and our time under it. Read beautifully as usual! ~ Rose

  19. just wanted to say hi…chasing you around OSW..smile every time i see you beat me…at least everyone will have 2 comments…smiles. now about that wine…

  20. Oh my Claudia.. you really dug deep to bring this one to the page.. just those two words “stab me” co notate so many different meanings..

    Fabulous lines here, could be poem unto itself,
    “the brave, the winner, the silent,
    lined up comically on the promenade
    like they belong; nowhere”

    very much enjoyed this!!

  21. Just “Wow!” Claudia. The imagery in this poem is just stunning.
    Thanks so much for visiting. I’m glad I got to read your work.

  22. Nice write, Claudia…I personally love where you went with the Argentine tango, as I think it is beautiful and would love to see that passion come to life…in the city streets while I look on ~

  23. I really love when you read you poems…as I have set before it really adds another dimension to the work…really enjoyed this.

  24. I was pulled in instantly by the title, and then– wow. Your poetry has a rhythm to it, and this piece is intense and full, a superb piece, Claudia!

  25. Claudia, for fear of sounding like a broken record, the music in your heart so shines through with this piece…stabbing me much like the sun! 🙂 The more I read, the more I long to visit your land. Your voice is urban, and palatial at the same time, singing of sunsets, yet the beat to me is so city. Loved it once again fine poetess! And I always leave with a smile 🙂