>the castle

>don’t need it as often as i used to
but still – there are castle times.
times when i feel thin, weak and
stretched and don’t want to be
touched, don’t want to feel something
and don’t want to talk to someone, when
access is denied for all user groups
no password is working, connection
interrupted, when i have hundreds
of questions and not one single answer
when i draw back, when i can’t see the
colors and my world turns to black and
grey, when the joy has gone
somewhere – but no matter how hard i
try, i can’t grab it – can’t feel it – can’t
find it. that’s when it’s getting cold and
the sun is not bright enough,  not warm
enough, when i need a place to rest – but
i’m so restless – a place to lie down, when
i need huge walls around to protect
me, to sort things out, to feel my own
heartbeat and recognize your voice again.
the moat around this castle is deep
and it takes someone brave to cross
and it’s risky to come close.
maybe i will wait with open arms
or i’ll feed you to the crocodiles and
watch you drown without showing
emotions. you have to be a good
swimmer to survive – cause even if
i would – i could not save you – the
gates are just too high – and the walls
have closed in on me.

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21 responses to “>the castle

  1. >"the moat around this castle is deepand it takes someone brave to crossand it's risky to come close"Reminds me a feeling the worst part of a depression, which kept me pushing others away. Can relate

  2. >Umm, Claudia, each of your poems is a mini feast. Thank you, thank you for sharing your innate talent.I am blessed to have such poems to dine on. Loving this Internet Poetry thing — a lot!!xo

  3. >Claudia, so well expressed – those times when we've exhausted ourselves and need to retreat and be alone to recover and yet long for someone brave enough to scale the walls or cross the moat and remind you that you are loved.

  4. >So sad but beautiful. I'm glad you found someone who was willing to cross the moat. I can totally relate to this. I like how you took such deep feelings and a need to put walls up and turned it into such a wonderful poem. My favorite line, just because I wasn't expecting it is: "access is denied for all user groups"…wow!

  5. >You did a marvelous job of describing a common human experience here. And I'm glad, as others have said here, for those brave enough to swim the moat, or sometimes for those who love me enough to let me work things out with God behind those quiet walls, until I am no longer feeling,"thin, weak and stretched."

  6. >fairy tales are beautiful,walls are perfect when you need personal spaces….beautifully crafted lines.Glad to read you.Thanks for stopping by Jingle Poetry this morning.

  7. >An excellent poem that puts me in mind of depression,like Dustus suggested. I too have built the walls only to wish for someone to storm the turrets and free me from myself.hugs

  8. >Maybe it's just me, but sometimes I think it's nice to have a place to retreat and be the one with the power to decide who gets to cross that bridge and who doesn't! FANTASTIC piece.

  9. >You do a marvelous job of describing what, to me, is manic depression. Those times when your need to be on an island is overwhelming, but at the same time your ready to jump out of your skin.Very creative analogies.Thanks for sharing this

  10. >Vivid description of depression.. nicely woven..!!Dear Poetic Friend: I invite you to join us at Jingle Poetry : http://jinglepoetry.blogspot.com/, we have a Monday Poetry Potluck party (weekly) for you to enjoy, the link is open American Central Time 8pm to Tuesday, 8pm. You have 48 hours linking in 1 to 3 poems, you could use an old poem if you don’t have a most updated one handy… Hope to see you today, please do stop by and check us out.Let us know when you stop by so that we place your link in our blog list….Happy Sunday!

  11. >Oh, I recognize this place – this castle – so well. You've described in this conversation style poem a very clear picture of seasonal depression – one that has been and gone and will return again. I know it well. Even the shape of the poem with it's tall, wide sides stood rigid. The last line closed the poem perfectly. If you had done anything to open it up, it would have ruined the whole effect. Brilliantly handled – almost worth the depression that inspired it. Great piece, Splitter. I loved it!