soft wrinkled forehead as you play the flute
and colored landscapes peeled of misty shade
while contours from gray shacks and alleys fade,
the noise & busy city life drops mute,
you guide me– on the undiscovered route.
we stride towards a stranger’s land and trade
all that was ours, a summer-song decade
descends in circles, circles from the root
how can you play approaching nights away–
soft flavored sound will patch the present dark,
exploring foreign lands on hidden roads
and enter empty trails left to decay,
ships full of spices calling to embark
towards the south, the south we slowly float
.
Gay has us writing Sonnets at dVerse today..mine is a Petrarchan Sonnet… I’m on a business trip all week…so posting this in a hurry but just didn’t want to miss it…smiles…my commenting back will be a bit delayed though…
Lovely!
One of my favorite forms, yet so difficult. Nicely done.
i really love all the texture you get into this claudia….very descriptive…the colored landscapes against the gray shacks…really like the turn line or question as well in this….great sonnet…i am intimidated…smiles.
Perfect! Your voice shines through and you mold the form to fit it with your perfect choice of words. The volta makes the proper turn in the first line (L9) of the sestet and the summertimes pour out all over the page. Precise and beautiful!
Missed you at OpenLinkNight! This is beautiful. “colored landscapes peeled of misty shade”…”soft flavored sound will patch the present dark”…so lovely.
sweet write with a lovely vision that resonates in my mind.
This is just lovely, Claudia – sensual, winsome, lyrical. (As I always say, this is one of my favorites of yours.) Thanks much. Just lovely. k.
land all a flutter with the color you utter, very well done, aren’t sonnets fun?
Ah, so lovely!
A flute will always enchant me–towards the south we float, the whole poem sets me adrift with the lovely flow of it.
As usual … I’m totally intimidated by your poetry, C … but then I’m not, because I’m strong … I think … hard to explain … anyway … somehow we are sisters … I know that much … Love you, cat.
I can’t help but think how fortunate the “you” in your poetry is…how blessed you both are. Wonderful sonnet.
“while contours from gray shacks and alleys fade, the noise & busy city life drops mute” … As usual, beautiful contrast & imagery Claudia.
Excellent, I love the challenge of writing a sonnet, the discipline of expressing yourself in 140 syllables with a set rhyming scheme is wonderful and a great exercise for any poet, thanks as always, Kevin
Claudia, this is brilliant! As l was reading it l was thinking how am l going to write anything with the quality and gravitas of this poem. True quality, a joy to read, thank you.
A real sense of going into a mystery here.
For me it brought to mind a street musician…the kind that transport you via their music to places only read about…another fine poem.
“how can you play approaching nights away–” Is this a question, exclamation, accusation, or acceptance? It has a studied ambivalence and arbitrariness given the first 8 lines of indulgence in love and loveliness. I fear “we” traded too much–”soft wrinkled forehead” for “soft flavored sound”! But patching and floating continue, so I draw in my breath too quickly. All is well.
Nice texture and tone
Just gorgeous. Everything there that needs to be there, shining from the context you give it.
How can you play approaching nights away….so perfect, so poignant…just beautiful!
Wonderful a great read
I read this, and then the Phantom starts singing in my head…
“Floating, falling, Sweet Intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savor each Sensation
Let the dream begin, Let your darker side give in
To the Power of the music that I write,
The Power of the Music of the Night!”
This is an impressive sonnet, Claudia; and to think that it is written in a ‘second language’ truly awes me! High praise.
Beautiful. The images are so vivid–it’s like I’m there.
Lovely write, Claudia .
The flute provides a haunting melody and the soft metrical pulse. Lovely sonnet, Claudia.
so beautiful, claudia! i am in awe of you writing a sonnet without losing your personal style!
♥
There was a time when I used to eat, breathe, and dream in iambic pentameter. I wrote reams of sonnets. I wrote none like this. I became an editor of sonnets (one time Associate Editor of ‘Sonnetto Poesia’ magazine, currently on the editorial team of ‘The Phoenix Rising from the Ashes’, a major anthology of 21c sonnets). None like this ever came to me for selection.
The keys to successful sonnet-writing are firstly not to forget what poetry is, secondly not to forget what poetry is for, and thirdly not to let the sonnet form dictate to the poem. At least not to much.
But then I don’t have to tell you that. Obviously.
M.
A finely crafted Sonnet – must try one soon
A little song you’ve certainly made this, Claudia, and I enjoyed it very much. It’s full of interest and intrigue and is true to the form. If you’re rushing off on a business trip, that’s a remarkable result!
This is lovely from start to finish, but for me, one line above all…
soft flavored sound will patch the present dark,
The musicality and tone are exquisite, so natural and beautiful throughout. You’re a marvel.
Always so entertained by your talent, Claudia…you’re an inspiration..
Don’t know how you do it. You write such a beautiful sonnet while on the road. Words just flow through your entire being and it’s as if you just activate them effortlessly. You are special and blessed Claudia.
Have a good trip.
Wonderful poem, I love it
Claudia, please would you get in touch with me at Ms_Marie_Marshall{at}hotmail.com as soon as possible.
Thanks,
M
Wow, this is so fun learning about Sonnets. May I ask, how did you choose Petrarchan vs Spenserian vs Shakespearian as a form for your sonnet?
That was a fun vision of darkness setting in (?right) while you travelled in a foreign land. Is there an intended metaphor in this style?
Thanx for you comment on my sonnet.
wonderful story and form here. you make it seem so easy. i love how you bring life to places with texture and color and action. very fun read!
very nice… you got the meter, but I remember we went through all this on FEPC ages ago… you were a good sonneteer already
Gorgeous!
I love the music of a sonnet, and this one has a fine voice!
nicely done. the images were lovely and the rhythm lulling.