.
Like always in the first dim light of dawn
those time spans shrink almost invisible,
sixthousand-fivehundred&seventy days gone by,
tender footprints, traced by
a slow heartbeat only, dawn
today, a twinkling eye, hardly visible
fine lines, drawn gently on the clock face as
i slip between the sheets, your smile, breaking visible,
a hundred slowly moving spaceships in a waking sky, navigated by
unconscious, unmanned muscles, stretching
in the half-sleep, soft puffs from your lips, i hold you
a few minutes, syncing with your breath & whisper
“Happy birthday little one–“
.
it’s my daughter’s 18th birthday today…smiles… and we’re writing Form at dVerse.. with a bit of fantasy, the above captured moment could be a Tritina…
She surely brought your words to life or vice versa haha and wow you did the math on the days, bravo haha
Happy Birthday to your daughter! I really like the first stanza…
I love the first verse in the third stanze. Overall you’ve drawn a very sweet picture in a very elegant way.
What a beautiful poem…your daughter will no doubt frame this one along with the photo…to show to others…what a wonderful mother she has.
Claudia–this is beautiful. What a lovely gift for your daughter.
Happy Birthday to your daughter. Gosh, she looks like YOU!
This is a lovely poem for her full of love and happiness and, I hope whatever she was baking turned out to be really yummy
” i hold you
a few minutes, syncing with your breath & whisper
“Happy birthday little one–“
Children are such a gift to us. Even with my son is in his 20′s, I always remind him that he is the most precious gift I ever received. A beautiful capture, and lovely tribute to your daughter on her birthday, Claudia.
How loving a birthday morning you make for your little one! And before your coffee! These lines are my favorite:
“a hundred slowly moving spaceships in a waking sky, navigated by
unconscious, unmanned muscles, stretching”
Happy birthday to your not-so-little one (anymore)! And special day for you, too, Mom.
Ahh, love this and enjoyed reading your tender side. Your daughter is beautiful
what a tender moment you captured claudia….to crawl in and snuggle with yout little one on her bday….i hope she has a wonderful day….and you as well in spending it with her…..
Tender, loving, and special. She will treasure this as all of us do you Claudia – happy day that you gave birth…always so special to a Mom!
What a sweet and tender tribute. Lovely. I love the syncing of breaths…
Just wonderful! Birthday greetings from me too…even though they have not been presented in such a poetic form. Loved this MUCH!
As eighteen is the first ‘adult’ birthday, that syncing of breaths carries mother back to that day of birth and how her breath was held, and time stood still. A great way to close the childhood in the same manner it started (minus much pain, of course).
Cheers to the both of you.
Oh, a great age too. Happy Happy Birthday to her.
How very wonderful! My girls are all grown and my oldest granddaughter a year older than your girl. My BD was the 27th. A good month to be born in.
What a nice poem to your daughter on her 18th birthday. And, as I look at her photo, I definitely see that she resembles you. (Beautiful girl.) I liked the last stanza, could picture it….she and you together…and you calling her “Little One.” So very touching and tender, Claudia.
Congrats! Unmanned muscles beautiful. K
This is wonderful and so touching, I really love it!!! Excellent write!!
I like the last stanza, sweet whisper…lovely tribute to your little girl ~ Mine is still a long way from 18, thank goodness ~
You and brian, always writing off the edge of the page. ;_) A lovely birthday poem, and a snapshot in time of that mother and daughter kaleidoscope that lasts a lifetime, always changing. Enjoyed it much
Prissi for Priscilla? How lucky can one 18 year old daughter get; lovely poem, and intriguing use of the form. Like the line /a hundred slow moving spaceships in a waking sky/
Happy Birthday to your beautiful daughter. I hope she has an awesome birthday and a wonderful life. Congratulations to you mama.
lovely poem for your beautiful daughter, enjoyed your spin with the form. ~ Rose
Happy Birthday to your lovely daughter!
In my book, a birthday poem trumps strict structure any day! In this case, I even interpret it as a formal poem melting into tenderness as you take your daughter in your arms… Happy Birthday to Prissi!
that was so lovely….birthday wishes from me too…..
lovely!!! Birthday wishes from me
“… a hundred slowly moving spaceships in a waking sky, navigated by
unconscious, unmanned muscles…”
Perfect.
M
Happy 18th to your daughter Claudia.
I adore your word imagery, you carry me away from the now.
really nice. What a gift this poem was. The form came alive with your poem.
In its context, I thought
a hundred slowly moving spaceships in a waking sky,
quite magical.
To your daughter, Joyeux Anniversaire! To you, Claudia, thank you for sharing from those precious moments that your minds eye will relive so many times. Beautiful!
Lovely theme for the poem to play with and where do the years go…
really nice liking it lots
lovely poem, lovely photo too
ah… sweet write for someone special
Lovely daughter, Claudia; I think it’s the wee hours and nighttime when we most look at our daughters in wonder and gratitude
I found the word verification setting and changed it to NO! Yeah!
just saw your “nic” as I was floating by and had to comment as I have a daughter who spells her name as you do, (with a “y”) and to whom we are always singing k k k katy … small world
How beautiful this is, from her laughter to her mother’s tenderly wrought words.
What a beautiful birthday wish!
For Prissi
Hi! Claudia, I really enjoyed reading your very poetic tribute to your beautiful daughter Prissi…Today as 6,570 days…gone by…
“Like always in the first dim light of dawn
those time spans shrink almost invisible,
sixthousand-fivehundred&seventy days gone by,
To remembering her:
“tender footprints, traced by
a slow heartbeat only, dawn
today, a twinkling eye, hardly visible”
All I can think Of is a mother’s love for her child and wishing her well… too!
Thanks, for sharing!
deedee
Beautiful, and congrats to you both! She’s a beauty.
Oh so sweet! Happy birthday to your daughter, Claudia! Such a wonderful tribute!
Hank
She looks so happy! Happy birthday to your daughter and great happy poem!
Happy birthday to your girl ~ she is like you Claudia.
And what a wonderful poem ~ almost fitting the form but thank goodness it doesn’t! I gave up on mine, it was far too tortuous! May return to it at some point [can't bear to be defeated] but thoroughly fed-up with it tonight
Well done you for making something lovely from it.
What a lovely, gentle birthday wish for your Priss … it’s delightful, truly …
http://leapinelephants.blogspot.ca/2012/08/desperately-missing-you-who-are-gone.html
this is completely love-infused. light and inspired. happy birthday to both of you. I can not imagine a more beautiful gift.
I feel pride and deep affection in this and it works well
Lovely, Claudia. Hope your daughter had a wonderful birthday.
beautiful–the last stanza particularly breathtaking.
My belated wishes to her. Lovely.
Wow! That was so ripe with memories. Done so gently and with such skill. Merci!
Many wishes for a fabulous 19th year for your daughter, just turned 18! Lovely poem in her honor–and honoring your love for her!